Why timing still matters when getting into relationships
Remember that time you met someone who seemed absolutely perfect for you but you couldn’t pursue it because you weren’t in a place where you could date then?
How about when you fell in love with someone but things didn’t work out because they had to move thousands of miles away for work, school, or to be closer to family?
That’s timing at work and it plays a bigger role in the outcome of relationships than we care to admit.
1. IT MAKES IT EASIER TO COMMIT
Studies have shown that the higher your readiness for a relationship, the more willing you’ll be to commit. This means that when the timing is right and you meet the right person, making the decision to connect and build something that lasts will come easily to you. You won’t feel like you have to fight yourself or some external force to have a chance at happiness. Dating won’t be a struggle or something you have to suffer through.
2. THE RELATIONSHIP IS MORE LIKELY TO SUCCEED
You can try really hard to keep a relationship afloat when the timing is wrong. If you’re lucky, you can pull through until the timing gets better. But oftentimes, the relationship will end up crashing against the rocks and falling apart. With good timing comes a willingness to commit fully and wholeheartedly, which can lay the right foundation for a healthy, thriving relationship that lasts a long time.
4. IT MAKES YOU WILLING TO FIGHT FOR THE OUTCOME YOU WANT
Timing affects your readiness for a relationship, and your readiness will influence the way you act before and during a relationship. For example, when the timing is right, you’ll actively put yourself out there and go on dates. You’ll think about what qualities you want in a partner and what you will not accept. You won’t stick around too long in an unfulfilling relationship. And when you find the right person, you’ll put your heart, body, and soul into making things work.
5. YOUR PRIORITIES CAN MAKE A MESS OF THINGS
Sometimes, you can be so focused on your goals or the things that are happening in your life that it becomes difficult to devote time to anything else. If your job is your number one priority and you’re not ready to change that at the time when you’re pursuing a relationship, it can get in the way. Your partner might start to feel like you don’t really care about them like you care about your work. Before you know it, you’ll be staring at the other end of a breakup.
6. TIMING CAN REDUCE OR INCREASE HOW RISKY A RELATIONSHIP FEELS
A few years ago, I was struggling with depression and anxiety and it felt like my life was upside down. I was going from medication to medication and nothing seemed to be working so I was basically a permanent wreck. Around this time, I met someone that I connected with in such a unique and special way but I didn’t do anything about it. Dating at that time felt like too much of a challenge and I couldn’t muster the strength or courage to brave it.
7. IT DETERMINES WHETHER YOU ACTIVELY PURSUE ROMANTIC OPPORTUNITIES
If you’re not in a place where you’re looking for something serious or interested in any kind of dating, any attraction or connection you develop will likely not work out. You won’t want to put your energy into seeing where things go because you simply do not care. You could go on a wonderful date with a lovely person and never call them back or respond to any of their messages afterward. As far as you’re concerned, love can go f*ck itself.
8. IT CAN AFFECT THE HEALTH OF THE RELATIONSHIP
When the timing is off and you’re not quite ready to embrace commitment and everything it entails, you might end up not bringing the best of yourself to the relationship you’re in. It’ll be easier to neglect your partner and keep things to yourself instead of communicating with them. You’ll place a limit on how vulnerable you can be with them. You’ll close yourself off instead of letting them in. You’ll fight dirty, play power games, and be more focused on you and your wants rather than the needs and feelings of your partner.
9. IT WILL INCREASE YOUR WILLINGNESS TO INVEST IN INTIMACY
Relationships are built on intimacy. The more you open up yourself to a person, the more memories you make together, and the more you partake in activities that help you bond emotionally, the closer you’ll feel to them. Wrong timing can force you to give very little of yourself to a partner in the hopes of minimizing how hurt you’ll be when you eventually have to part ways. But when the stars are aligned, you’ll want to literally tear yourself open so your partner can climb in and get closer to you.
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