The one tech story you need to read in 2015

Technology is in a state of boring predictability lately, and we’ve reached that point where everything that would pique your interest is and can be plotted in the form of a graph or a nice infographic. If you are looking for this with absolute seriousness and sincerity, you can check out the Gartner Hype Cycle. The good news is that voice recognition is now a reality and we can expect services like Siri and Google Now to become mainstream. Home 3D printing still seems a little far away, but it’s coming to the enterprise level, which is always very exciting, and virtual reality seems to be getting closer to reality. It’s probably not going to be a good year for bitcoin advocates, big data evangelists, or people who can’t wait for augmented reality, if Gartner is to be believed.

Our slightly less scientific, but equally accurate predictions can tell you the things no one wants to talk about when they discuss technology – that nothing is going to change for a while yet, no matter how many times the “experts” say the good things are there around the corner.

Here’s everything you need to know about what’s in store for you this year:

1. A new iPhone will appear like every two years
As usual, its release will be based on a flurry of leaks, countless speculations, and the usual upside-down fluctuation in Apple stock price. It’s all you’ve been waiting for now, as well as what’s usually the tech event of the year. The new iPhone will be as expensive if not more so than the previous one, and people will repeatedly call it boring and lacking in innovation. All the tech experts and their cat would cry foul over the price, but it will sell out anyway. What about the rest of us who don’t buy iPhones? It’s that time of year when tech-related jokes on Twitter lead to a slew of followers and retweets. Everyone wins.

2. Google will release a new mobile OS
Like all previous years, it will be touted as the best thing ever until you actually use it. At this point, you’ll want to stick with 5.0, which would then be stable. Of course, only a handful of Android users will actually be able to install the update, with the majority frequently asking random people on Twitter when their device will be supported. At that time, Apple users will show up in droves to show off statistics on how quickly the latest version of iOS has been adopted.

Ahead of its release, a group of rabid and vocal pro-Indian Android users would push for it to be named after an Indian dessert, much like the campaign to have Android L named as Ladoo. With M being the next release, we wonder what Indian dessert they would try to put on the tech map? MALPUA? Mysore Pak? malai fagot?

3. Wearables are the new Android phones
You know Android achieved near-ubiquitous appeal when it allowed companies like Kodak to come back from the dead and try their hand at making a smartphone. The next big rush will be for wearable devices, because what booming company doesn’t want to miss out on building an ecosystem of devices for a hungry audience? With Motorola, LG, Microsoft, Xiaomi, Samsung and Sony touting bands berating you for just having a cup of coffee or oversleeping by a few minutes, expect the space to explode even more with new entrants. much like the low-end Android space. done a few years ago.

All brands will have stripes on a range of features and prices, and customers will be increasingly confused as none of these devices will truly revolutionize our lives the way smartphones have; as businesses begin to stagnate, ad campaigns will strive to convince you otherwise, and the few people you know who have dived in and bought one of these devices will become insufferable evangelists to avoid buyer’s remorse. Did someone say Apple Watch?

4. The postal service is making a comeback
Government baps get carried away with net neutrality and are quick to dismiss the idea. After all, why let a simple thing like privacy get in the way of the profits of a host of companies that stand to gain from draconian trade policies? On the plus side, anyone working on VPN solutions is likely to get a windfall while telecom carriers offer internet plans for everything from VoIP to live streaming to even reading this story. Where does this take you? Giving a boost to alternative communication methods such as India Post, which may have been the idea all along.

(Also see: What is net neutrality? Here is a simple explanation)

5.Virtual reality will remain virtual
Similar to the big push on 3D that most TV makers have made, VR will be relegated to the realms of early adopters and super mutants with biological makeup to spend more than five minutes using Gear VR or Oculus Rift. without vomiting.

With the Oculus team made up of who’s who in tech, there’s no reason they shouldn’t solve this problem – until then though, mainstream acceptance is still a long way off, in especially considering that Facebook’s investment appears to have removed any incentive to quickly release a consumer product. Instead, we’re getting prototypes and vague promises from Oculus, and that’s only for the first generation of hardware.