No longer attracted to your partner? Here’s what you need to do
The initial days of a romantic relationship are perhaps the most passionate ones.
Those days of unadulterated romance, surprise dinner dates and stimulating conversations are slowly be replaced by family dinners, trips that are cancelled at the last moment and ‘too tired to talk’ moments as the relationship covers years.
When monotony creeps in slowly, most couples in a long-term relationship might gradually experience loss of attraction. It’s not uncommon and definitely not a shocker.
And couples should not mistake loss of attraction as a lack of love. So, here are a few things people can do to bring back that lost attraction in their love life.
1. Ask this question: When did you start losing interest?
Before trying to solve the problem, experts suggest that couples should first try to find the source of the problem. “It’s important to know what triggered a loss of interest and when? Was it gradual or did it happen suddenly due to a certain incident or change? What made you realise you have a problem? Self-introspection plays an important role here and asking these questions would help the couple to arrive at the reason or the cause that brought about this change in their relationship. And it’s a good start,” suggested Shweta Singh, a senior consultant psychologist.
2. Don’t play the blame game
Before discussing the problem with a partner or blaming him or her for the loss of attraction, how about introspecting over the fact that you might also have played a role here? For example, you think you don’t find your partner attractive any longer because she doesn’t make any effort to look good or dress up like she used to earlier. What if she had stopped making the efforts because you don’t take notice any longer? Or you have stopped complimenting her? It’s important to look at both sides of the problem.
3. Prioritize couple time
No matter how busy your day was or how demanding your children were, it’s important to prioritize time for your partner or spouse. You might be hard-pressed for time but don’t forget to make plans for a romantic dinner on weekends and before you go out, make sure to dress up, put on a smile and let yourself enjoy a little without thinking about the hundred other mundane things that occupy your mind throughout the day.
4. Try new things together
Trying new things is perhaps the best advice couples can follow during such testing times. But they need to do it together. If they love travelling, they can explore a new place together because travel can bring even strangers closer. Or, they can pick a hobby and pursue it together, for example, music lessons or dance classes etc. Whatever may be the activity or the experience, the couple should do it together.
5. Give the other person a chance to miss you
Monotony, which can creep in slowly between two partners, is one of the main factors for loss of passion or attraction in a relationship. Sometimes, it can happen when two partners spend a lot of time together, as a result of which they might start taking each other for granted. Under such circumstances, it will be a wise idea to spend some time apart. Maybe, going on a solo trip or spending the weekend with family or friends can give each some space and also an opportunity to miss each other.
6. Take help if required
Sometimes, it’s important to nip a problem in the bud. And if discussions with the partner and proactive measures fail to address the issue, it would be a wise step to take help from a relationship expert or an experienced counsellor. Even talking to a friend or a family member you trust can give you a new perspective, which can then help you find a solution.
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