How to get over being ghosted in a long-term relationship
Getting ghosted might be a newer way of saying it. But someone suddenly “disappearing” in a relationship is nothing new. And, no matter what you want to call it, it can be very painful for the person who was ghosted.
Unfortunately, we know how tough these situations can be for people.
It’s more common in first dates or early on in relationships, but it does happen sometimes after a relationship has lasted for a significant period of time. Sometimes it’s because the person was looking for another relationship or was having an affair.
However, it’s also common to get ghosted in a long-term, serious relationship. Unfortunately, that often makes the experience even more painful.
Dealing with getting ghosted in a serious relationship is difficult. While you can’t ignore the feelings completely, there are things you can do to make the process of getting through it easier.
1. Acknowledge that this bad behavior is not your fault
This is really bad behavior. If your ex was a teenager, I would ground them. Your ex must have some pretty gnarly stuff going on upstairs, because this is just plain mean.
You are in charge of your own reaction to their ghosting. It’s not personal, although it feels that way. They are simply making a choice to not communicate with you. You are worthy of a wonderful partner who has the maturity to communicate clearly with you.
You need to force yourself to believe that the ghosting does not reflect on you as a person, it reflects on them.
2. Call your ex out
If you need some closure, ask politely for it. “Let them know how their behavior made you feel. No one can argue with that.
Make sure you really want the truth, and then ask one time for an explanation.
3. Write out what you’re feeling
It can still be really helpful to write your feelings out on paper. I know some of you might be eye rolling me, but I promise it works.
Write down and read often that the abrupt endings are insensitive, irresponsible, and disrespectful character aspects from someone who was able to hide them well.
Less into the mantra vibe? “Write your ex a letter. “Let ’em have it. Tell them how much it hurts that they have just disappeared.
Then, accept that you are ready to let them go. burning the letter after writing it. I love that because it really says “see you never.”
4. Learn something from it
Think about what you learned from seeing an awful side of a person you cared about. This is the silver lining to getting ghosted in a long-term relationship: You’re going to learn a lot about yourself and what kind of partner you are looking for.
“You can’t change what happened, but you can do something about it,” says Dr. Wish. “Learn from it so you can reduce the risk of being ghosted again.”
It’s in your power to ask for more next time you are in a relationship. Ghosting hurts because you are looking for someone more mature. Now you can get out there and find him.
5. Get back out there
This bad behavior is not your fault. Instead, of trying to find the one, change your goal to reading people accurately. The only good that can come from such a lame and immature breakup is that you know what signs to look out for in your next boo.
Release the ghost. Release the story that says you aren’t enough because they ghosted you. The sooner you do this, the sooner you free yourself up and stuff can move the way it’s meant to!
Be good to yourself, and when the time is right, move right on up.
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