9 powerful, practical steps to rebuild trust after you’ve cheated
For couples that have had to deal with infidelity, there is hope!
Though many couples choose to end a relationship or even a marriage because of an affair, there are still some who trudge on and end up with a relationship that’s stronger than ever.
What doesn’t kill your relationship can make it stronger, after all.
Regaining the trust of a broken hearted lover is not easy though, and as hard as you try, it will seem futile and frustrating at times, and you may feel helpless and pained at other times.
But when you see couples that have endured through the rocky phases, and come out stronger than ever, you can still cling to hope and try to make your own romance bloom even after it seems to have withered away.
If you want to build trust back into the relationship or marriage, here are the 9 things you should prepare yourself for:
1. End the affair, duh. But make sure your partner gets proof
No, don’t set up a date with you, the person you cheated with, and your partner. That’s just asking for trouble! Instead, do it via phone, text, Facebook or email. Just make sure the person you cheated with gets the message and you can provide proof to your significant other.
This may be the hardest and most awkwardly heart wrenching hurdle, but ensuring your partner knows how you ended it would help calm his or her mind in case there are still lingering doubts that the affair is still happening.
3. Admit your mistake
Don’t blame it on the third party and definitely don’t blame it on your partner! Infidelity is a conscious decision that you chose to get involved in. After you’ve apologized to your *possibly unreceptive* partner, tell him or her about why you chose to have an affair in the first place.
Try your best not to blame external influences such as alcohol or goading from your friends, either. Instead, let your partner in on what was going through your mind to commit such an act of betrayal. Maybe you felt taken for granted. Maybe you were just looking for an ego boost. Maybe you just have poor self-control. Whatever it is, make sure it’s sincere!
4. Let your partner vent, and answer questions when they do
Your partner has every right to be angry. But when he or she lets out the frustration, the anger, the tears and the accusation, try your best to be patient.
Also, give honest answers to your significant other’s questions, no matter how ashamed you are of what you did. You’ve kept your partner in the dark during your affair, so it may be his or her way of shedding light on the times when you lied about your whereabouts.
5. Shower your beau with attention and affection
The thing about cheating is that your partner is hurt that you’re lavishing attention on another person when this should have been exclusive between the two of you.
Chances are, during the affair, your partner was deprived of your affection. This is the perfect moment to make it up. Go the extra mile, woo her with flowers or win him over with breakfast in bed. Remember, you’re rebuilding trust, but affection is also important. Just don’t think for a second that those grand gestures will be enough to get you off the hook.
6. Be patient with your partner.
Ending the affair is just the start to a long road of rebuilding your partner’s trust in you. After that, there will be some lingering accusations, the occasional paranoid behavior and blaming you on the side. Take it all in, but don’t let it crumble your resolve. This is all part of the process.
There’s no definite timeline for this, and all couples marred by infidelity go through it at different paces. But one day, with enough time and consistent effort, your partner may slowly.
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